Dolittle

Talking animals movies are usually more of a burden in modern cinema rather than a blessing in terms of quality. The majority of them rely on the worst kind of attributes in family films such as attempted jabs at pop culture beats that only adults would understand, rely on disgusting poop humor, add unnecessary subplots, usage of well-regarded actors (or those hoping for a comeback), and directing that leads to acting that ranges from bizarre to incredibly bland. One of the exceptions to this that managed to ignore everything was The Paddington films, which set an amazing gold standard. This leads us to a new entry within this genre, Dolittle, which was directed by Stephen Gaghan and starring acclaimed actor Robert Downey Jr (his first role since his departure from the Marvel Cinematic Universe). The marketing campaign seemed suspicious with not a lot of story being conveyed while attempting to show a fun adventure. There had been news surrounding this flick receiving reshoots following bad test screenings and was pushed from a 2019 release to 2020. I entered the auditorium ready to see where it would fall in the talking animals field and left it acknowledging that the movies title describes how little it succeeded in being good as it's an unwatchable mess.

A few things to address first: This is not the first "Dolittle" I've seen as there's the Eddie Murphy adaptation I have seen. I have some fond memories of it but it likely hasn't aged that well over time. There are sequels to it but they have the standard diminishing quality common for the type. There's also a 1967 Dr Dolittle adaptation that I wasn't aware of until I heard about it recently and this 2019 version is essentially a reboot of it. I'm won't be doing any comparisons here since I'm only judging this as its own thing.

What's it about? The story follows our titular protagonist being coerced into going on a journey to find a MacGuffin fruit to heal an ill Queen with the aide of the animals from his sanctuary. Things started looking promising with an opening 1-2 minute animated intro sequence to provide a little backstory on our main lead. However, it all goes downhill afterwards as it becomes a disorganized adventure that doesn't know how to make its characters nor the quest endearing for its audience. For instance, the main character initially refuses the request to go save the Queen until one of his animal companions reminds him how it would affect his estate. During all of this, every animal is attempting to be a comedian with the most terrible dialogue imaginable that tries slipping in adult jokes to be clever (including a Godfather impersonation).

There are also unnecessary mini-arcs with a number of characters forcibly stuck together that don't flow together (such as a minor feud between a polar bear and an ostrich, an assassination plot against the queen, a boy wants to be Dolittle's assistant, a petty squabble regarding a rival, etc.). There's a scene from the aforementioned reshoots where our lead helps out a dragon by pulling junk and armor from its rear end, which results in the beast farting in his face in relief (this was apparently Robert Downey Jr's idea...yes this actually happens). With all of this in the script, the pacing for this family feature feels painstakingly long as its holding you hostage with the problems piling on top of one another.

Examples of the bad writing:

• When Dolittle is asking an octopus for information, it replies with "Snitches get stitches". 
• After sniffing the Queen to see what's wrong with her, a dog says something on the lines of "I hate that bad smell and I enjoy sniffing butts"
• An ugly looking dragonfly approaches a group of ants for their assistance and their leader does a Godfather impression "You come to me asking for a favor on the eve of my daughters wedding to a scorpion". This is immediately followed by a conversation where the dragonfly pines for her love and they mock him for being inferior to a scorpion (yes seriously). 

How are the actors? In regards to story importance, the actor to focus on is Robert Downey Jr in the lead role. What's surprising about this performance is the inconsistent accent the actor is dealing with in what's probably the worst acting of his career (or at least it's up there). Considering that his production company helped produce this flick, it's easy to see his overconfidence in this portrayal. Honorable mentions go to Antonio Banderas for actually delivering on his performance with the limited screen time. Dishonorable mentions go to Harry Collett, Carmel Laniado, Jason Mantzoukas, and Kumail Nanjiani due to the former two being the weakest supporting actors among the cast while the latter two being the most annoying in the celebrity voice acting pool here.

Overall Consensus: Dolittle is the worst kind of family adventure that combines a screenplay with no sense of direction and clarity with inconsistent sloppy performances, a conflict lacking investment, and horrendous writing. ⭑ Runtime: 1 hour 41 minutes PG

Reasons to watch it: You want to support Robert Downey Jr no matter how bad the project is.

Reasons to avoid it: You prefer family movies that treats its audience with respect and simplified stories. You aren't a fan of talking animals flicks that feature many celebrity voices. You dislike scenes with long fart gags.